The day we shot the scenes where Connell
breaks down was really quiet – 95% of the time the set was fun but that
day everyone was being respectful of what we were about to do. Then
when we started filming, I struggled to get to the place the scene
required. I wasn’t connecting with the story. At lunchtime, instead of
eating I lay upstairs and put earphones in and was like, ‘Don’t fuck
this up.’ I still couldn’t do it, I couldn’t get to the point where I
broke down in front of the counsellor. I suppose what I was feeling was
the pressure to deliver what is a reality for so many people. I wanted
so desperately for it to feel authentic to an audience. Before the next
take I said to myself, ‘Just fucking do it.’ And it happened. It felt
brutal. It felt awful. They called cut and I was still bawling. When I
got home I had a little red mark on my finger because for the whole day I
was scratching at it. My whole body was really sore. I didn’t sleep
well that night
