The day we shot the scenes where Connell
breaks down was really quiet – 95% of the time the set was fun but that
day everyone was being respectful of what we were about to do. Then
when we started filming, I struggled to get to the place the scene
required. I wasn’t connecting with the story. At lunchtime, instead of
eating I lay upstairs and put earphones in and was like, ‘Don’t fuck
this up.’ I still couldn’t do it, I couldn’t get to the point where I
broke down in front of the counsellor. I suppose what I was feeling was
the pressure to deliver what is a reality for so many people. I wanted
so desperately for it to feel authentic to an audience. Before the next
take I said to myself, ‘Just fucking do it.’ And it happened. It felt
brutal. It felt awful. They called cut and I was still bawling. When I
got home I had a little red mark on my finger because for the whole day I
was scratching at it. My whole body was really sore. I didn’t sleep
well that night
“All these years they’ve been like two little plants sharing the same plot of soil, growing around one another, contorting to make room, taking certain unlikely positions.”
