As a senior, I think I’ve become used to the inherent nature and culture of the social atmosphere at my school. No matter what clique you choose to become drawn to (and yes, we do  have a clique problem) someone’s bound to talk shit about someone else. So that’s what I’m used to, because it doesn’t phase me. I’m used to people calling me a fat assed bitch behind my back, or relatively comparing the size of my body to one of a whale (which yes, haters— I get enough from my family, so your insults don’t mean a thing.) Because why? I’m used to it, and it doesn’t matter to me.

But despite all this, we all manage to stay friends. And I think sometimes that this nature of ‘honest to god shit talking clique dynamic’ doesn’t translate to other places well. Some people can have the best of intentions, but fuck up. And for this, I’m so sorry. So sorry to people that I’ve hurt, especially due to my judgmental bullshit part of myself. I’m sorry I was so hard on the people that I judged. I’m sorry to the people that were affected by my misunderstanding and my poor choice of wording, and I hope you realize that sometimes people make mistakes. And people, regardless of their nature (good or bad), all of them mistakes. And when people let you down, you have to forgive them eventually. Because no matter what, people fuck up and all they want is redemption.

So yes, I fucked up. I made a mistake. I apologized, and I will keep apologizing profusely, because I am languishing in my guilt. Things slip out sometimes, and I probably don’t have the best social experiences, because I hope for the best that I have great intentions and I end up doing something awfulawfulawful. And I’m sorry, and I’m sorry to those that I give shit to for making mistakes. I’m not perfect, I never claim to be. But I believe that I’m a good person who screwed up. And all I can do is apologize. And if you want to blame me forever, it’s okay.

I wrote this in the morning because I was upset over it, but I realized when you really love your friends, you will let them go if it makes them happier. You will absorb all the blame in order to make your friend happier. So maybe good friends will forgive their other friends eventually when they fuck up, even better friends know how to let go because they know it will make the other person happier.

I’m just sorry. That’s all I can say.