I’m just writing to sort through things.
I guess this is weird because *technically* (with the exception of dating someone in between) I’ve been involved with Cameron for the past year. Almost. It’ll be a year in January. It almost feels too weird. I guess I don’t really believe it because nothing has really lasted that long in my life, and also— he’s someone I take for granted. Is that not the worst thing I could have said? Granted, I love Cameron as a person. He is one of the sweetest men I have ever met. He’s quite chivalrous, and I’m sure he’ll be an amazing boyfriend to someone one day. But, since he lives all the way in Australia (and hates air travel), I don’t really see a way we can effectively “date.” Otherwise, great. I’d totally date him, and he’d treat me well.
But being with him would be boring. It’d be a relatively “safe” relationship, and although I used to love being in those… they aren’t interesting. I’m sorry, but aren’t relationships supposed to come with a tiny bit of excitement? I guess I’m just a douchebag because I love the chase. With Cameron, I know he’ll always be around, even when he’s not— so it’s easy to be with him. It’s just easy to get him to want me again, even when he’s dating someone else.
That said, no one should ever treat another human being the way I treat Cameron. Half of me abhors the way I treat him, the other half only does it because that half is lonely. I am aware that I am a manipulative bitch. I don’t know. I just feel so bad, because it’s just too easy to get him back.
I AM A TERRIBLE PERSON, I AM AWARE OF THIS.
My life is a lie ahahaha. Fuuuuck. He’ll text me in the morning. OK BYE.