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An open break-up letter to my current institution

Disclaimer: If you probably haven’t already figured this out, I’m planning on transferring out of my school. So stop your bitching. You can read this if you want to. It’s quite funny.

You,

It’s not you, it’s me. Well, I mean— I wish I could say that, but around 90% of it is actually you, and the other 10% is me. Maybe it’s because I was blinded by love (with a man who frequently disappeared off the face of the Earth) and the promise of cheap (yet thoroughly delicious) steak, but at the time, I thought you and I were the “right fit.” Sure, you didn’t give me as high of a scholarship as “Institution XYZ,” but you were willing to do as much as possible as you could to match the price (which was bullshit, because I came up around $6000 short), and you were offering me the promise of gay best friends and awesome shows (both of which you delivered on, thank you!)

But let’s be frank, you couldn’t have been a worse pick for me. First of all, I was looking to get away from Hawaii, and looking to get away from all the people from my old high school and all the bullshit they came with. Around 30 people from my old high school end up hauling ass up to Omaha to attend you. Getting away from home and high school? As hard as I tried, there’s no fucking chance of getting away from that.

Second, I was into meeting new people and getting to know a wide variety of different characters. Whenever someone says there’s a certain set stigma to the students here: they are completely correct. Most people who attend here are upper middle class white conservatives from West Omaha who didn’t want to leave home because mommy and daddy will pay for everything they want. And if you weren’t that, then you were the hard-working under class citizen who makes his or her “hard knock life” seem SOOO much more difficult than it actually was. No matter what side of the spectrum the students fall, they have one thing in common: they are judgmental as fuck. Everyone told me that Omaha people were “kind” and that “Midwesterners have heart.” I come from fucking HAWAII, you bitches. HAWAII. Which, even on the worst day, blows the Midwest out of the god damn water. I don’t mean to sound elitist, but people from Hawaii make you feel like family. They are genuine about their kindness, and don’t expect anything in return. It’s the “aloha spirit” that tends to get people to come back. In the Midwest, I understand that people are nice— but they’re more so polite than anything else. Now, I know that one can get judged wherever that person goes, but in the Midwest, people act polite, but completely judge you for something wrong. If you don’t conform, you’re seen as a god damn outcast. I’m sorry, but in Hawaii, we actually make an effort to make people feel welcome. I think it’s because we’re all mutts anyway. Sorry I’m not pure white, skinny as fuck, don’t like country music, and actually CARE about what I wear. Look, I admit that the way I choose to live my life isn’t the best way, but I was born and raised to give a fuck about my appearance, the clothes I wear, the car I drive. I was born into a society that was relatively materialistic, because in order to live in Hawaii, you have to be able to afford it.

Thirdly, everything about the school blows. Seriously. Dealing with administration is a pain in the ass. Your money is spent on useless things, when it should be spent on expanding departments, adding classes— things that could be useful to students. As an underclassman, it is IMPOSSIBLE to get into the classes I want. Also, if you’re pre-med and NOT a Biology major, it is impossible to finish the core, pre-med requirements AND your major in four years. Speaking of the core, that sucks too. I understand that I go to a damn Catholic (Jesuit) school— but HOLY SHIT. FIVE THEOLOGY CLASSES?! REALLY?! And you don’t even have interesting options. I don’t want to learn about Christianity and the fucking scripture for all of my classes. Where are the choices? Diversify yourself, you fucks. I don’t want to learn about a religion that I spent my whole life rejecting! I want to learn about Buddhism, or Islam! SOMETHING THAT ISN’T CHRISTIANITY, PLEASE. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, I DON’T GIVE A FLYING FUCK. Your core makes it impossible for people to graduate in less than four years. You also make it impossible to register. REGISTERING IS THE BIGGEST PAIN IN THE ASS EVER AND I ALWAYS HAVE TO DO OVERRIDES. ALWAYS. WHY DON’T YOU HAVE WAITING LISTS? OR OPEN THE CLASSES UP TO BIGGER SIZES? OR HIRE MORE FUCKING PEOPLE AND OPEN UP MORE CLASSES?! I DON’T FUCKING KNOW. And also, I understand that Pre-Med is about “weeding people out,” but do you really have to do it in such a negative way? Who the fuck are you to tell me that I’m not cut out for medicine? Why the hell won’t you suggest another course of path in another way? And why are you telling me now that I’m a junior in college that my hopes and dreams are shattered? (Not my situation, but you catch my drift…) I pay enough money: get me into my fucking classes, get me my fucking OWN Pre-Med advisor and stop being a complete douche. I just fucking can’t even. 

Fourth, you just suck in general. You look like a piece of crap, and you’re not “in” socially unless you’re in Greek Life. Even when you are in Greek Life, you’re not “in” with the school. It’s a fucking Catch-22, because in some way, you’re not conforming to certain standards and ideas. Also, the majority of people on this campus are dumb asses. Your standards are low, but you try to chain people into staying. Why? Because you can’t afford your precious lifestyle, and you need people to pay copious amounts of money for you to afford landscaping every year. 

I mean, I’m not going to say that you weren’t fun though. We’ve had our good times. I’ve met people that I know will stay in my life forever. I’ve met my future bridesmaids and maid of honor. I didn’t need any of that stuff to confirm that I’m pretty much an awesome person and I’m way too fucking good for this school to deal with this much bullshit. I’ve had good times, but it was never on campus. (Well, some of the good times were on campus, but they definitely weren’t because of you.) You made me realize that I need MORE in my life. You made me realize (for the first time) that I am too good for this place, or at least that I  need something much, MUCH different. 

I’m independent. You force me to rely on people. I need to be free to do what I need to do, and not have to rely on people to do that for me. I need to spread my wings and fly. 

Blah blah blah, other cliche break-up lines. Let’s just get to the point: I’m pretty much done with your shit and I’m glad I’m leaving.

From,

A disgruntled, jaded student paying upwards of $45,000 just to be here when I could be getting a much better education for much less.